WHEREAS the main expertise within this site concentrates on national security issues within America and Israel, most prominently, militant Islamic jihad and its western knock-on effects, every now and again a deviation comes along….just because. This is one of those times.
ALAS, as one who is, more or less, laser-focused on #stopthesteal, let’s take a pause and veer into a totally non-political sphere, that is, the traditional family. Indeed, few within the realm of normalcy would argue against the absolute primacy of the family — as per the health and welfare of a society, wherever one may be.
IN this regard, be it through divorce or widowhood, tragically, many parents with young children are left to raise their precious charge(s) on their own. In reality, many hope for a “suitable” partner to come along and complete the family unit. This is all well and good. On the other hand, some choose to re-couple when the children are, more or less, grown and equipped to leave the nest. Hence, a different kind of re-coupling comes into play; a more “self-centered” one. This may be the case, whether the parent, once adrift, is the mother or the father. It just depends.
TO wit, with the above parental/coupling minefields in mind, it behooves noting: nothing, absolutely nothing, is more sacred than protecting the welfare, be it emotional or physical, of one’s children. After all, they are the future. As such, whatever fork one takes, at its base, the decision(s) taken will have lifetime ramifications. Guaranteed.
ALL of which segues back to what should be considered as a parental “due diligence” checklist; an investigation of sorts. At the very least, this will ensure that everything humanly possible is being done to keep one’s children safe, again, emotionally, physically, or a combination thereof; one unit at a time.
DUE DILIGENCE CHECKLIST
Family Instability and Child Well-Being
How Instability Affects Kids
- The Negative Effects of Instability on Child Development:
A Research Synthesis
DEATH OF A SPOUSE: Reactions to Particular Types of Bereavement
TAKING ON THE ROLE OF STEPPARENT
Stepfamily Relationship Quality and Children’s Internalizing and Externalizing Problems
WHILE the above checklist can go on and on — through enough reading material to choke a horse, so to speak — the fact remains that it is through visual observation that the most reliable indicators emerge. Guideposts.
IN other words, most reasonably intelligent people can intuit when something is not quite right and amiss, even when hard to define. You know, it’s what the kids ascribe to as the “yucky” factor, and adults often describe as their internal barometer and intuition kicking in. Listen to it!
EITHER way, the consequences of not following said gut reaction(s) can be devastating; however ill-defined they may be. Most acutely, when deciding to allow another to become a stepparent, pay heed to the verbal and non-verbal cues and messaging of one’s child/children. They too have a story to tell.
BESIDES, regardless of one’s attraction, one needn’t inject another into the household — who may well become a toxic stepparent to young and impressionable children— in order to enjoy companionship and intimacy. Understood? In any case, once the kiddies leave home, the aforementioned is neither here nor there.
CONSEQUENTIALLY, above all else, responsible parenting requires safeguarding children from emotional or physical harm — even if personal needs are, temporarily, left unmet. If anything, the sacred bond between parent and child should never be placed in jeopardy, regardless of one’s personal discomfit. As such, a heartfelt message to the young and not so young…..
“Go placidly amid the noise and the haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence. As far as possible without surrender, be on good terms with all persons. Speak your truth quietly and clearly, and listen to others, even the dull and ignorant; they too have their story. Be yourself. Especially do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love – for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment it is perennial as the grass. Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth. Nurture strength of spirit to shield you from misfortune. But do not distress yourself with imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness. Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should. Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be, and whatever your labours and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul. With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world.”
― Desiderata: A Poem for a Way of Life
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